you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
