Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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