Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
