I think my vagina is haunted
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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