I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
