I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
