the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
