Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry about my life...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
