I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
