And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
