I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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