I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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