I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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