I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
