Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
