i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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