my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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