I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
