I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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