I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
