the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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