9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
