I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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