This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
