The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is the prime rib incident all over again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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