think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
