Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
