I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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