im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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