Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I party with great urgency now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
