I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
