So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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