i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
