i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize