Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
