i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
