i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
