Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
