Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
