weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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