just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my liver is dry heaving
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize