A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
