i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
