I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
