she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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