I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
