who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
