Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
