it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
