just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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