His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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