I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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