I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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