she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
