Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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