Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
