Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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