Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
