Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
