Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
