his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You left your phone here
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