that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize