just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
