He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
