where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
