So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
