Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
