Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
