Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
