I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
