dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
