party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
